Saturday, June 26, 2010
So I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE being out of school! Every time I hear someone talking about taking a class or finishing homework, the only thought that goes through my head is, "I never have to do that again!" The feelings of relief and joy are almost overwhelming.
School, for me anyway, is so stressful. I can never fully relax. I'm always thinking of the next assignment that is due, or feeling guilty because I should be studying instead of the doing the fun thing I'm doing. Most people say that once you get a real 8-5 job, you're dying to be back in school. Well, that's just utter nonsense! I realize that you may have more "free" time in school, but you're never off, nights and weekends are fair game. When you have a job, you know at 5:00, you're done. DONE. No homework to put off til tomorrow, no tests to worry about. Nothing until you're back at work the next day. How wonderful!
So needless to say, I'm glad that I'm done with all that stress and worry. Now, for the next step.... finding a job! I took an entire day, dressed nice, and drove all over Springfield personally delivering my resume to every dental office I came across. In case you didn't know, there's a lot of dentists in Springfield! I also am mailing a bunch of resumes to all the offices in the surrounding areas. Hopefully one of those little suckers will net me a job! I need one pretty soon, because I'm finding quite a bit of stuff that I want to buy!!
School, for me anyway, is so stressful. I can never fully relax. I'm always thinking of the next assignment that is due, or feeling guilty because I should be studying instead of the doing the fun thing I'm doing. Most people say that once you get a real 8-5 job, you're dying to be back in school. Well, that's just utter nonsense! I realize that you may have more "free" time in school, but you're never off, nights and weekends are fair game. When you have a job, you know at 5:00, you're done. DONE. No homework to put off til tomorrow, no tests to worry about. Nothing until you're back at work the next day. How wonderful!
So needless to say, I'm glad that I'm done with all that stress and worry. Now, for the next step.... finding a job! I took an entire day, dressed nice, and drove all over Springfield personally delivering my resume to every dental office I came across. In case you didn't know, there's a lot of dentists in Springfield! I also am mailing a bunch of resumes to all the offices in the surrounding areas. Hopefully one of those little suckers will net me a job! I need one pretty soon, because I'm finding quite a bit of stuff that I want to buy!!
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Well, I've had a busy week! I finally got my license on Thursday!! I was sooo excited. They send you a big certificate along with a card license. I'm definitely going to frame that big one. I worked my butt off for that thing! I called the owner of the temp. agency that I'm working for and told her that I'm now available to work! I'm not quite sure that the temp thing is going to work out. It kinda seems like she's not going to be able to give me as many hours as I want. I guess we'll just wait and see. I'll definitely spend next week sending out resumes to every dentist I can find!
I also spent a lot of time getting ready for my garage sale. I don't know if anyone is aware of this, but those things are A LOT of work! First I had to go through all my crap and find what I wanted to sell. Luckily, I've been planning this garage sale for a long time, so I've just been throwing stuff in a pile as I've found it. That decreased the amount of time I had to spend looking through closets and under beds. I also invited about everyone I know to put their crap in the sale too. This worked out well for everybody, because they got to sell some stuff and my sale looked bigger. I really think garage sales do better when you have more stuff out.
I owe a HUGE thank you to Mom, Grandma Sue and Alicia for helping me with all this! I would not have been able to do it all myself. They sat out in the heat (and by heat I mean just a shade short of hotter than the fires of hell) all day with me and then helped to drag everything in and out of the garage. Mom also helped me pack up everything that didn't sell and hauled it to her house to put in her garage sale. We also packed up some clothing to donate to goodwill. I try not to be offended when other people don't want to pay me for my cast~off, old clothing (see previous post about Plato's Closet) but sometimes the hurt runs a little deep. I'm pretty sure that Alicia felt the same pain/irritation/indignation about her rejected clothes too. I mean, we're not selling used underwear here people!
I think the best moment of the entire affair came when a dirty old man (and when I say dirty, I'm not indicating the amount of filth clinging to him, though there was plenty of that) came up and started talking all smooth to us. He certainly felt he had quite a bit to offer in the handsome man/good husband category. He offered to sell me the dirty poodle~ish dog that followed him over. I kindly informed him that I had two of my own inside and wasn't interested. His response? "Well, I bet my dog can out drink your dogs!" I was unaware that people competed in the dog~drinking arena, so I acquiesced on that point. Apparently he had gotten the dog at an AA meeting. I'm not making that up either, he actually told us that. I'm pretty sure he thought this was a point in his favor. Ya know, so we understood that he had overcome his demons and was a good catch now.
He then turned to my mom and pointed to my grandma and said, "She sure is cute, she single?" It was hilarious!! Mom had the most horrified look on her face as she said, "That's my mother!" Then he told grandma that he was lookin' for hisself a good woman. Grandma didn't even bother to look up as she said, "Well, good luck!"
The man finally left after that. Guess he figured we didn't know a good thing when we saw it. Grandma threatened my life if I told anyone about it, so if I turn up dead, you know where to look!
All in all, we did well. Cody and I made about $400, so it was worth the heat and work. I also got rid of a bunch of stuff that's been laying around my house. Hopefully that money will go towards the down payment on a new house!
So, I've finished school, received my license, and completed my garage sale. I'm ready to begin working now! Hopefully I'll get some hours soon....
I also spent a lot of time getting ready for my garage sale. I don't know if anyone is aware of this, but those things are A LOT of work! First I had to go through all my crap and find what I wanted to sell. Luckily, I've been planning this garage sale for a long time, so I've just been throwing stuff in a pile as I've found it. That decreased the amount of time I had to spend looking through closets and under beds. I also invited about everyone I know to put their crap in the sale too. This worked out well for everybody, because they got to sell some stuff and my sale looked bigger. I really think garage sales do better when you have more stuff out.
I owe a HUGE thank you to Mom, Grandma Sue and Alicia for helping me with all this! I would not have been able to do it all myself. They sat out in the heat (and by heat I mean just a shade short of hotter than the fires of hell) all day with me and then helped to drag everything in and out of the garage. Mom also helped me pack up everything that didn't sell and hauled it to her house to put in her garage sale. We also packed up some clothing to donate to goodwill. I try not to be offended when other people don't want to pay me for my cast~off, old clothing (see previous post about Plato's Closet) but sometimes the hurt runs a little deep. I'm pretty sure that Alicia felt the same pain/irritation/indignation about her rejected clothes too. I mean, we're not selling used underwear here people!
I think the best moment of the entire affair came when a dirty old man (and when I say dirty, I'm not indicating the amount of filth clinging to him, though there was plenty of that) came up and started talking all smooth to us. He certainly felt he had quite a bit to offer in the handsome man/good husband category. He offered to sell me the dirty poodle~ish dog that followed him over. I kindly informed him that I had two of my own inside and wasn't interested. His response? "Well, I bet my dog can out drink your dogs!" I was unaware that people competed in the dog~drinking arena, so I acquiesced on that point. Apparently he had gotten the dog at an AA meeting. I'm not making that up either, he actually told us that. I'm pretty sure he thought this was a point in his favor. Ya know, so we understood that he had overcome his demons and was a good catch now.
He then turned to my mom and pointed to my grandma and said, "She sure is cute, she single?" It was hilarious!! Mom had the most horrified look on her face as she said, "That's my mother!" Then he told grandma that he was lookin' for hisself a good woman. Grandma didn't even bother to look up as she said, "Well, good luck!"
The man finally left after that. Guess he figured we didn't know a good thing when we saw it. Grandma threatened my life if I told anyone about it, so if I turn up dead, you know where to look!
All in all, we did well. Cody and I made about $400, so it was worth the heat and work. I also got rid of a bunch of stuff that's been laying around my house. Hopefully that money will go towards the down payment on a new house!
So, I've finished school, received my license, and completed my garage sale. I'm ready to begin working now! Hopefully I'll get some hours soon....
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
These past few weeks I have learned the meaning of sorrow. On May 20th, Brandon Paudert lost his life in the line of duty. He and a fellow officer were shot down on the side of a freeway, leaving our family to forever mourn his loss. Cody and I traveled to West Memphis to attend his funeral. We stayed for a week, holding onto those nearest us, trying to mend broken hearts.
During this week I experienced some of the saddest moments of my life. It was crushing to see the desperate pain on the faces around me. My heart broke into a million pieces each time I looked into his mother's eyes. The cries of his precious children still ring in my soul. I will forever hear the sound of Taps played on bagpipes, the march of feet as the honor guard was changed, the ringing gunshots saluting our fallen heroes. The image of the flag covered coffins surrounded by masses of flowers has burned itself into my memory. The sound of thousands of mourners gathering together to say goodbye will never leave my ears. My heart still reflects the flashing blue lights surrounding me as we rode in the Sea of Blue to honor Brandon and Bill. My arms almost ache knowing that they are no longer holding on to those people who are hurting so much. My entire being strains to find a way to take away this pain, to go back in time and change that fateful day. To bring Brandon back to his family. And I cry when I realize, again, that there is nothing I can do. Nothing I can say. Nothing I can feel, that will make a difference.
It seemed strange to be home after being in Memphis for so long. Strange to be around those whose lives had continued on when it felt as though ours had stopped. Strange that some people here at home had not heard about the tragedy that had ripped our family in two. I looked around for the flags at half~mast, for the condolence messages on restaurant and church signs, for the mourning that had been so prevalent in Memphis.... but there were none. Life had not changed here. It made me sad. Sad to know that life goes on. The sun will rise and the sun will set, no matter how much pain we endure in between.
We had been home for almost two weeks when we recieved another devastating blow. One that felt as if it was the final blow. The one that would break us. Cody's grandfather, Brandon's grandfather, had been killed in a car accident. It seemed surreal. How could we be going through this again? We just did this. We just had one of our members torn from us, how could we let another one go? How could I go to Cody and look him in the eye and tell him that he had lost yet another loved one?
My heart was so heavy, I was surprised to find that my body could hold it. The pain was screaming so loudly in my ears, I was sure that everyone around me could hear it too. I couldn't even cry. My tears were gone. Spent. I had none left.....or so I thought.
We attended another visitation...another funeral. I held Ola Mae as she tried to cope with burying another beloved husband. I tried to give what little was left of me to Melanie, to help her say goodbye to her daddy. And I tried, I tried, to share Cody's pain. I felt so helpless.
My heart, which was still broken, seemed to shatter as I walked to the gravesite and saw another set of soldiers standing at attention, honoring another fallen brother. Taps played again. Gunshots rent the air once more. Another flag was folded. Another goodbye was said. Another sun set.
This summer has been long. It has been hard. Everyone says hard times make you stronger. But I don't feel stronger. I feel weak. I am forever aware of how fragile life is. I am completely aware that there is nothing I can do to hold my family together. I can not stop death. I can not change what has already happened. I can not stop the tears. I can not overcome the pain of others. I can not bring a son back to his mother, or a father back to his daughters. I can not make sure that a husband will return to his wife. I can only hope in God. I can only continue to pray for healing. I can only choose, choose, to trust that God is still in control. I can only focus on Brandon and his grandpa walking on streets of gold, free from hurt and pain. I can only love those around me entirely. I can only trust my loved ones to God. For I know that He will carry me through the rest.
During this week I experienced some of the saddest moments of my life. It was crushing to see the desperate pain on the faces around me. My heart broke into a million pieces each time I looked into his mother's eyes. The cries of his precious children still ring in my soul. I will forever hear the sound of Taps played on bagpipes, the march of feet as the honor guard was changed, the ringing gunshots saluting our fallen heroes. The image of the flag covered coffins surrounded by masses of flowers has burned itself into my memory. The sound of thousands of mourners gathering together to say goodbye will never leave my ears. My heart still reflects the flashing blue lights surrounding me as we rode in the Sea of Blue to honor Brandon and Bill. My arms almost ache knowing that they are no longer holding on to those people who are hurting so much. My entire being strains to find a way to take away this pain, to go back in time and change that fateful day. To bring Brandon back to his family. And I cry when I realize, again, that there is nothing I can do. Nothing I can say. Nothing I can feel, that will make a difference.
It seemed strange to be home after being in Memphis for so long. Strange to be around those whose lives had continued on when it felt as though ours had stopped. Strange that some people here at home had not heard about the tragedy that had ripped our family in two. I looked around for the flags at half~mast, for the condolence messages on restaurant and church signs, for the mourning that had been so prevalent in Memphis.... but there were none. Life had not changed here. It made me sad. Sad to know that life goes on. The sun will rise and the sun will set, no matter how much pain we endure in between.
We had been home for almost two weeks when we recieved another devastating blow. One that felt as if it was the final blow. The one that would break us. Cody's grandfather, Brandon's grandfather, had been killed in a car accident. It seemed surreal. How could we be going through this again? We just did this. We just had one of our members torn from us, how could we let another one go? How could I go to Cody and look him in the eye and tell him that he had lost yet another loved one?
My heart was so heavy, I was surprised to find that my body could hold it. The pain was screaming so loudly in my ears, I was sure that everyone around me could hear it too. I couldn't even cry. My tears were gone. Spent. I had none left.....or so I thought.
We attended another visitation...another funeral. I held Ola Mae as she tried to cope with burying another beloved husband. I tried to give what little was left of me to Melanie, to help her say goodbye to her daddy. And I tried, I tried, to share Cody's pain. I felt so helpless.
My heart, which was still broken, seemed to shatter as I walked to the gravesite and saw another set of soldiers standing at attention, honoring another fallen brother. Taps played again. Gunshots rent the air once more. Another flag was folded. Another goodbye was said. Another sun set.
This summer has been long. It has been hard. Everyone says hard times make you stronger. But I don't feel stronger. I feel weak. I am forever aware of how fragile life is. I am completely aware that there is nothing I can do to hold my family together. I can not stop death. I can not change what has already happened. I can not stop the tears. I can not overcome the pain of others. I can not bring a son back to his mother, or a father back to his daughters. I can not make sure that a husband will return to his wife. I can only hope in God. I can only continue to pray for healing. I can only choose, choose, to trust that God is still in control. I can only focus on Brandon and his grandpa walking on streets of gold, free from hurt and pain. I can only love those around me entirely. I can only trust my loved ones to God. For I know that He will carry me through the rest.
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